Early in the morning, I chew on my leg,

lick my tail and go poop in the flower garden.

A very good start to the morning.

Then I start meowing and howling and yelling

and mewing until my owner opens the door.

I choose my owner’s favourite shoe

and rip it to pieces.

Then I get very bored and prowl around

looking for pats.

I hear the big roar of my owner's car

driving out of the garage and down the road.

At last, I have the house to myself.

I raid the kitchen, gobble the goldfish

and chug my milk. I hear scampering.

I catch the mouse, eat the mouse

and make sure to leave its brains

on the doorstep for my owners.

I scratch the back of the couch

and tear up a few pillows

before I stretch over the sun-warmed

surface of my mat and purr.

I love being home alone.